I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did i walk over a car last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
