her facebook's as public as her vagina
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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