fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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