I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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