Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she peed on how many people?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
