I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize