its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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