Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
