i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
