I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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