took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
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