just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
