I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
