Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
