And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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