is your mom at the bar?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
