he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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