Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
