): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
