More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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