gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize