hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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