just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come share oat with me in your robe
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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