Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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