I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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