apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
