I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
