did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
