you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
