Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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