What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
