I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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