Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
