I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
