Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
