Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
