when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
