That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
