We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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