My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
