You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
