Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
