Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
