I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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