I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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