While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
