Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
