In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
