**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
