I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
