I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
