Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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