Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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