I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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