she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
