But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
