fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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