Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
