If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
