Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
