Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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