I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
